Inner Strength

Howdy to all my friends and readers!!!! I want to write about inner strength. I have faced many trials in my life. I truly believe that all the trials which life has put before me has made me who I am today. Inner strength is an essential element in every situation we face.

I have come to realize that one knows not the inner strength they have until they are forced to walk into hard places. And, I have come to realize to not fear death but to fear a life not lived.

How did I come to realize these things? Here is a bit of background information for those of you who don't know me:

I went from my family to being married to Allen. We were together 20 years. Allen knew my biggest fear.... I feared being without him. He was such a part of me. He had a seizure which lead to his heart stopping from which he didn't survive. I remember waiting for the paramedics to arrive and I knew that he was dying. I cried so hard as I looked at him and said: "It's going to be okay." I knew it wasn't going to be okay...... He died 10 minutes later.

The next days were my "energizer bunny days." To understand that statement, you would have to have been there!!! Anyway, shortly after his death, I started attending a grief group. Upon starting this group, I was very timid. However, as time marched on, I started to grow. Dr. Trudy looked at me on the last night of the group and said: You are not the same woman who first came in here. That is a very true statement.

Dr. Trudy advised me many things. The one thing I adhered to is to not make any major decisions in the first year. When your spouse dies in the house, your first instinct is to sell the house. Later, many widows/widowers regret that decision. A year later, I still want to sell my home. I will work towards that end.

I would say that I went through a series of "choices." I write this to say: Choose to live. Choose to love. Choose to laugh. Choose and choose well as life puts issues in your path. Choose happiness. It is such a waste of time to do anything else!!! Allow your inner strength to propel you forward........

"May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending." Unknown

Humor!

I love these jokes:


I love this one:



And, Richard Jeni:

Debates.....

Good Morning!!!

I am taking Bankruptcy Law. Last night we were discussing how the health care debate relates to bankruptcy. During this debate, I listened to both sides of the issues being discussed. No matter which side of the debate various members of the class stood, some things were agreed upon.

What did we agree upon?

• the health care plan is ambiguous
• Americans should be allowed a vote in this matter. Since every American will be affected, a nationwide vote is in order
• The money will come from the taxpayers

September Update

Hi all! It's been a while since I updated my blog.

August 18th was a year since Allen's death. It was hard but at the same time a new beginning. The weekend before, I flew to Florida to spend the weekend with my friend, Denise, who lives in Delray Beach, Florida. We had an awesome time. Denise has such a warm and loving heart. She is just great. On 8/18/09, I spent that day at work. Then had dinner with someone who had no clue what this day meant to me. It was a good decision and I had a great time!!!

I keep thinking over the last year of my life... This is the first year out of 20 without Allen. I remember the first six month after he passed, all I did was drink and not eat. I was having so many nightmares from his death. It was not a good time. People kept telling me that for the first six months I was going to be in a protective fog of shock. I really didn't believe them until the reality set in at about seven months.

Since the reality set in, my whole life has changed. I think Allen would be very pleased with my choices!!!!!! He always said that I was stronger than I realized. I am seeing he was correct. I have grown much closer to my family over the last year as well as meeting new friends.Those of you that have known me for a long time can really see the change the emanates from the inside to the outside of me.

I say the things I do about the positive changes for those who are on the path we did not choose to be on nor do you know the road signs: widow/-er hood. There is hope. Your spouse will forever hold a place in your heart and in your life. The best thing I ever did for myself was embrace the pain, face it, and grow from it! There just are no words to express how much that helps.

For those of you who don't know, Allen died in the house. Dr. Trudy Tharp, of the Alabama Grief foundation, challenged me to begin to let go of his physical presence and make our home - mine. It's been a hard year sleeping in the same room my husband passed in. There have been many nights spent on the couch and many getting sleep via sleep meds. It's gotten easier since getting a new bed though! That one choice made a world of difference.

However, I am progressing! I am being able to let go of his physical presence some. Dianna will get a kick out of this: I'm painting and trying to remodel!!! haha! It was a sight to see! Dianna, consider helping me one last time with a chucking project.

I didn't get to take my scuba certification as planned; however, I will!!!! I go to Vortex Oct 10-11! School is great this year. I am liking my classes!!! My employer has and continues to be great. I can't express my gratitude for them enough.

Anyway, I have much to blog about; however, I am tired. I will blog more later in the week.

Take care, my friends.

"Live, love, and laugh...."

Scuba

Hey All, I know I haven't finished uploading pictures. Here is hoping my efforts are successful tonight!

Sunday was 11 months since Allen passed. While I was in MI, I had a lot of time to think. I made a decision and choice in MI to move forward with my life. I will always have Allen in my heart; however, his physical presence is gone. I could choose to be sad and live in the past or reconstruct my life and discover a new me. As the one year marker is fastly approaching, I find myself thinking about the direction my life is taking me. I am taking a trip to Florida soon. That trip should help a lot as it will coincide with the one year point. Then, I will be seeing Nickelback in Concert upon my return. Lacrisha promised to keep me busy upon my return.

Anyway, the new me is the point of this blog. I wish to share and express my new life journey. There are things which I have always wanted to do yet never had. Now is the time for me to embark on those things. Scuba is one of them.

I went with a friend to Vortex in Florida. It is a scuba training center. First, my friend rocks! Second, I have been wanting to learn to dive for some time now and just have never moved forward with that desire. I observed the classes in and out of the water. I also met some cool and fun people. While my friend went cave diving, I had time to think about issues in my life that had been weighing on my mind. So, I thought, why not do it?

The course I am taking will be in Montgomery. It will be a blast. I've been glancing through the book and I so miss studying so now I have a study focus to help me get back into my school/study routine.

I'm off to try to upload pics!!!

Friends

I am happy to be back to work. I don't think I've blogged about this but my work absolutely rocks! My bosses are so nice. I don't think I would have made it through this last year without the understanding of Lacrisha, Jay, Johnny, and all the guys at work.

My close friend Kelly came over tonight to return some books and things she was holding for me. We had a great time talking about issues in my life. She is a near and dear friend!!!!


I am still processing the trip. I did receive the closure I needed. I shared the pictures from the day I scattered Allen's ashes with Kellie. For those of you who don't know, Kellie was the friend I called the night Allen died. When he went into his seizure, I called 911 then her. She left work and drove over. Allen died before she got here. She stayed with me while the paramedics looked at Allen's medicine, while the coroner was determining if he needed an autopsy, and while I was waiting for the funeral home to pick him up. She didn't leave until mother arrived.

I plan on blogging tomorrow in more detail.

Love and hugs to all!!!!

Home

Hi all from wonderfull Birmingham, Alabama!!! I had a great time on the trip with my mom and wouldn't trade the time spend with her for ANYTHING!!!!!! Love you mom!!!!!

I am still processing the trip. I am working on uploading the public and private pictures. I will blog more tomorrow when I am more rested.