Inner Strength

Howdy to all my friends and readers!!!! I want to write about inner strength. I have faced many trials in my life. I truly believe that all the trials which life has put before me has made me who I am today. Inner strength is an essential element in every situation we face.

I have come to realize that one knows not the inner strength they have until they are forced to walk into hard places. And, I have come to realize to not fear death but to fear a life not lived.

How did I come to realize these things? Here is a bit of background information for those of you who don't know me:

I went from my family to being married to Allen. We were together 20 years. Allen knew my biggest fear.... I feared being without him. He was such a part of me. He had a seizure which lead to his heart stopping from which he didn't survive. I remember waiting for the paramedics to arrive and I knew that he was dying. I cried so hard as I looked at him and said: "It's going to be okay." I knew it wasn't going to be okay...... He died 10 minutes later.

The next days were my "energizer bunny days." To understand that statement, you would have to have been there!!! Anyway, shortly after his death, I started attending a grief group. Upon starting this group, I was very timid. However, as time marched on, I started to grow. Dr. Trudy looked at me on the last night of the group and said: You are not the same woman who first came in here. That is a very true statement.

Dr. Trudy advised me many things. The one thing I adhered to is to not make any major decisions in the first year. When your spouse dies in the house, your first instinct is to sell the house. Later, many widows/widowers regret that decision. A year later, I still want to sell my home. I will work towards that end.

I would say that I went through a series of "choices." I write this to say: Choose to live. Choose to love. Choose to laugh. Choose and choose well as life puts issues in your path. Choose happiness. It is such a waste of time to do anything else!!! Allow your inner strength to propel you forward........

"May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending." Unknown

Humor!

I love these jokes:


I love this one:



And, Richard Jeni:

Debates.....

Good Morning!!!

I am taking Bankruptcy Law. Last night we were discussing how the health care debate relates to bankruptcy. During this debate, I listened to both sides of the issues being discussed. No matter which side of the debate various members of the class stood, some things were agreed upon.

What did we agree upon?

• the health care plan is ambiguous
• Americans should be allowed a vote in this matter. Since every American will be affected, a nationwide vote is in order
• The money will come from the taxpayers

September Update

Hi all! It's been a while since I updated my blog.

August 18th was a year since Allen's death. It was hard but at the same time a new beginning. The weekend before, I flew to Florida to spend the weekend with my friend, Denise, who lives in Delray Beach, Florida. We had an awesome time. Denise has such a warm and loving heart. She is just great. On 8/18/09, I spent that day at work. Then had dinner with someone who had no clue what this day meant to me. It was a good decision and I had a great time!!!

I keep thinking over the last year of my life... This is the first year out of 20 without Allen. I remember the first six month after he passed, all I did was drink and not eat. I was having so many nightmares from his death. It was not a good time. People kept telling me that for the first six months I was going to be in a protective fog of shock. I really didn't believe them until the reality set in at about seven months.

Since the reality set in, my whole life has changed. I think Allen would be very pleased with my choices!!!!!! He always said that I was stronger than I realized. I am seeing he was correct. I have grown much closer to my family over the last year as well as meeting new friends.Those of you that have known me for a long time can really see the change the emanates from the inside to the outside of me.

I say the things I do about the positive changes for those who are on the path we did not choose to be on nor do you know the road signs: widow/-er hood. There is hope. Your spouse will forever hold a place in your heart and in your life. The best thing I ever did for myself was embrace the pain, face it, and grow from it! There just are no words to express how much that helps.

For those of you who don't know, Allen died in the house. Dr. Trudy Tharp, of the Alabama Grief foundation, challenged me to begin to let go of his physical presence and make our home - mine. It's been a hard year sleeping in the same room my husband passed in. There have been many nights spent on the couch and many getting sleep via sleep meds. It's gotten easier since getting a new bed though! That one choice made a world of difference.

However, I am progressing! I am being able to let go of his physical presence some. Dianna will get a kick out of this: I'm painting and trying to remodel!!! haha! It was a sight to see! Dianna, consider helping me one last time with a chucking project.

I didn't get to take my scuba certification as planned; however, I will!!!! I go to Vortex Oct 10-11! School is great this year. I am liking my classes!!! My employer has and continues to be great. I can't express my gratitude for them enough.

Anyway, I have much to blog about; however, I am tired. I will blog more later in the week.

Take care, my friends.

"Live, love, and laugh...."